Sunday, April 10, 2011
Food,Friends, Family and more Food...with a side of anxiety
Well my wonderful husband threw me a "dinner party" last night. He made his famous carne asada tacos. They were perfect as usual. I ate 5!! count them 5 tacos! I also had his homemade rice and salsa and chips. It was soooo yummy!!! We had our friends the Anderson's and the Henson's over with their kids. The house was buzzing with kids running and laughing; I loved all the noise. I felt great comfort in the company and support for my BIG DAY tomorrow.
I'm very, very nervous. I keep trying to tell myself it's going to be ok and I will get through this, but I can't help feeling like I'm on death row awaiting my execution. It is the worst feeling ever! My husband has been so supportive. He tries to comfort me constantly and is very supportive of me taking anxiety meds to help calm my nerves if I need them. During church today he was whispering comforting scriptures in my ear, it was very sweet. I can do it...I can do it...I can do it....My husband has asked a few of our friends to come over tonight at 9 when he gets off work to give me a blessing. I really hope that our old bishop can come, his blessings have always given me great comfort.
Well one fun thing leading up to this surgery is that I have eaten whatever I've wanted. I've had Taco Bell. In N Out, Arby's, soda, soda, and more soda. I've even eaten more than my share of candy bars, and tonight I'm going to have one of my favorite dinners as my "last meal".....lobster and crab ravioli with Olive Gardens Alfredo sauce and bread sticks......oh it's soooo good. The way I see it...I might as well eat to my hearts content even if it's to my waists detriment....I won't be eating much for the next few weeks to come...I'm going to enjoy it while I can!!!
We have to leave for the hospital in the morning @ 5:45am. I need to be there at 6. Hopefully I wont have to wait to long in anxiety hell for them to begin....or I might just run screaming from the hospital.
Well....I hope to see my family on the other side and to be blogging in the next couple of days!
I'm very, very nervous. I keep trying to tell myself it's going to be ok and I will get through this, but I can't help feeling like I'm on death row awaiting my execution. It is the worst feeling ever! My husband has been so supportive. He tries to comfort me constantly and is very supportive of me taking anxiety meds to help calm my nerves if I need them. During church today he was whispering comforting scriptures in my ear, it was very sweet. I can do it...I can do it...I can do it....My husband has asked a few of our friends to come over tonight at 9 when he gets off work to give me a blessing. I really hope that our old bishop can come, his blessings have always given me great comfort.
Well one fun thing leading up to this surgery is that I have eaten whatever I've wanted. I've had Taco Bell. In N Out, Arby's, soda, soda, and more soda. I've even eaten more than my share of candy bars, and tonight I'm going to have one of my favorite dinners as my "last meal".....lobster and crab ravioli with Olive Gardens Alfredo sauce and bread sticks......oh it's soooo good. The way I see it...I might as well eat to my hearts content even if it's to my waists detriment....I won't be eating much for the next few weeks to come...I'm going to enjoy it while I can!!!
We have to leave for the hospital in the morning @ 5:45am. I need to be there at 6. Hopefully I wont have to wait to long in anxiety hell for them to begin....or I might just run screaming from the hospital.
Well....I hope to see my family on the other side and to be blogging in the next couple of days!
Friday, April 8, 2011
The Good, The Bad, and the UGLY
Well I've been dealing with a tremendous amount of anxiety. I think the surgeon doesn't really understand how bad it is effecting me. I'm not terrified of the pain, like he thinks I am. I know I'm going to have a lot of pain after the surgery. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain and I know I can and will get through that. I'm terrified of the Anesthesiologist.
When I was 15 I had a breast reduction done. The Dr gave me Morphine for the pain, which we found out I was allergic to by going into anaphylaxis. My tongue swells and my throat closes up, and sheer panic ensues because I can't breathe, which doesn't help the issue. Well I was obviously told NEVER to have morphine again but in 2006 when I had my second c-section the Anesthesiologist who's name by the was was DR SLAUGHTER, after asking me why I "thought" I was allergic to Morphine, decided I really didn't have an allergic reaction at all, but that I had "just been given to much". So even though my husband and I told her not to give it to me, she ordered it for me anyway. I woke up from surgery to a nurse adding a bag to my IV and I decided to ask her what it was, to find out it was morphine!! Thankfully I had woken to find this out, or I wouldn't be here writing this blog! Well breathing stopped, and anaphylaxis ensued along with panic on everyone's part, but they were able to help me through it.
So needless to say every surgery I have had since I bring my own signs and hang them in the room, on the door and on the IV bag. NO MORPHINE!!! It hasn't happened again, and I'm praying it won't happen this time, as I won't have a working mouth to open to ask for help or gasp for air.
I've also read other experiences from people having this surgery and they have had said their noses and throats swell after surgery as well as their face, which would leave me in a panic, feeling as though I can't breathe. So when I say I'm TERRIFIED, I really mean it. The surgeon has given me a xanax to take 2 hours before I leave for the hospital and I'm hoping it will do the trick. I'm also going to make sure that he has it on the orders for the nurses so they will just give it to me for the 1st day so I don't get panicked in case my nose is swollen and I don't feel like I can breathe well.
....Well just to make things more interesting...I got a call from the hospital 2 days ago telling me that because this was elective surgery I had to pay for it in advance. I have the money in Flex Spending but don't have any way to access it until they bill the insurance after the surgery. So in a way I was disappointed that my surgery would be cancelled, but in another annoyed I have been stressing out for no reason and that this meant lengthening my agony before it finally happened! The lady at the hospital asked me to come in and bring all our financial information. I did and she then told me that due to the information I brought her we will only be required to make a $50 copay for my surgery! I was so happy and grateful when I left her office for about 10 feet, when panic overwhelmed me and I had to go find a bench in a corner to sob for about 15 minutes. I called my mom crying and she asked what was the matter, and I said "they approved us" and sobbed some more. I know it's crazy but it meant there wasn't anything keeping me from having the surgery now but me and I have to go through with it!! My mom knew exactly why I was feeling anxious and helped calm me down. When I got home I had to take a xanax just to get through the day as the anxiety just kept overwhelming me!! I hate feeling like a big baby, I'm anything but a wimp...until it comes to me not breathing!
Well, I'm better today and getting my house ready for my "absence". I've got some good friends who are going to bring by dinner on Monday for my family. So thankful for good friends!
So I guess the count down is on. I have a lot to do around the house and some shopping to do. I also need to make a living will and give it to the hospital when I go in...way to calm my anxiety people!!
I'll post some before pics soon so I can keep a record of my progress and transformation. I hope in the end I will be happy with the result. That I can take a photo without fear or deleting it, and that I can finally accept a compliment from my husband without thinking "yea right". I always just kinda giggle...my husband said to me the other day he hopes the surgery will make me conceited! LOL
When I was 15 I had a breast reduction done. The Dr gave me Morphine for the pain, which we found out I was allergic to by going into anaphylaxis. My tongue swells and my throat closes up, and sheer panic ensues because I can't breathe, which doesn't help the issue. Well I was obviously told NEVER to have morphine again but in 2006 when I had my second c-section the Anesthesiologist who's name by the was was DR SLAUGHTER, after asking me why I "thought" I was allergic to Morphine, decided I really didn't have an allergic reaction at all, but that I had "just been given to much". So even though my husband and I told her not to give it to me, she ordered it for me anyway. I woke up from surgery to a nurse adding a bag to my IV and I decided to ask her what it was, to find out it was morphine!! Thankfully I had woken to find this out, or I wouldn't be here writing this blog! Well breathing stopped, and anaphylaxis ensued along with panic on everyone's part, but they were able to help me through it.
So needless to say every surgery I have had since I bring my own signs and hang them in the room, on the door and on the IV bag. NO MORPHINE!!! It hasn't happened again, and I'm praying it won't happen this time, as I won't have a working mouth to open to ask for help or gasp for air.
I've also read other experiences from people having this surgery and they have had said their noses and throats swell after surgery as well as their face, which would leave me in a panic, feeling as though I can't breathe. So when I say I'm TERRIFIED, I really mean it. The surgeon has given me a xanax to take 2 hours before I leave for the hospital and I'm hoping it will do the trick. I'm also going to make sure that he has it on the orders for the nurses so they will just give it to me for the 1st day so I don't get panicked in case my nose is swollen and I don't feel like I can breathe well.
....Well just to make things more interesting...I got a call from the hospital 2 days ago telling me that because this was elective surgery I had to pay for it in advance. I have the money in Flex Spending but don't have any way to access it until they bill the insurance after the surgery. So in a way I was disappointed that my surgery would be cancelled, but in another annoyed I have been stressing out for no reason and that this meant lengthening my agony before it finally happened! The lady at the hospital asked me to come in and bring all our financial information. I did and she then told me that due to the information I brought her we will only be required to make a $50 copay for my surgery! I was so happy and grateful when I left her office for about 10 feet, when panic overwhelmed me and I had to go find a bench in a corner to sob for about 15 minutes. I called my mom crying and she asked what was the matter, and I said "they approved us" and sobbed some more. I know it's crazy but it meant there wasn't anything keeping me from having the surgery now but me and I have to go through with it!! My mom knew exactly why I was feeling anxious and helped calm me down. When I got home I had to take a xanax just to get through the day as the anxiety just kept overwhelming me!! I hate feeling like a big baby, I'm anything but a wimp...until it comes to me not breathing!
Well, I'm better today and getting my house ready for my "absence". I've got some good friends who are going to bring by dinner on Monday for my family. So thankful for good friends!
So I guess the count down is on. I have a lot to do around the house and some shopping to do. I also need to make a living will and give it to the hospital when I go in...way to calm my anxiety people!!
I'll post some before pics soon so I can keep a record of my progress and transformation. I hope in the end I will be happy with the result. That I can take a photo without fear or deleting it, and that I can finally accept a compliment from my husband without thinking "yea right". I always just kinda giggle...my husband said to me the other day he hopes the surgery will make me conceited! LOL
A little background
Well let me introduce my self, my name is Christina and I'm a 37 year old mother of 6 kids ranging in age from 20 years to 1 year; 3 girls and then 3 boys in that order. My husband Chris and I moved to UT almost 5 years ago from CA so he could return to school. I absolutely love living and raising my kids here.
I can remember coming home from kindergarten as a child to my mom waiting on the porch with a pacifier. I think I was finally 6 years old when I stopped using it, and probably got rid of it myself...because I think my mom would have liked to have "corked me" well into my 20's.
Using the pacifier for so long caused my jaw to grow around the shape of the pacifier. I now have an upper jaw that is over grown and grows downward in the back and my lower jaw is under developed and I have a very deficient chin. All the orthodontists in my past would immediately send me to an Oral Surgeon who would scare the crap out of me telling me about multiple surgeries that required cutting my jaw in numerous places, inserting implants, and all sorts of torture devices. Well that always put an end to the idea of braces...at least until I was so sick and embarrassed by my appearance I'd go ask again. Well I never did get around to it out of fear; that is until now.
I took my eldest 2 daughter into an orthodontist almost 4 years ago for braces at which time he begged me for a chance to try and correct my bite. I agreed and 4 years later I'm still in braces and with much improvement in the appearance of my teeth, but at the end of the road for treating me with orthodontics for my jaw. So once again I found my self at an oral surgeons office and this time with the support and encouragement of my husband, kids and mother (who lives with us) I have agreed to go through with it. My surgery has been scheduled for this coming Monday.
I can remember coming home from kindergarten as a child to my mom waiting on the porch with a pacifier. I think I was finally 6 years old when I stopped using it, and probably got rid of it myself...because I think my mom would have liked to have "corked me" well into my 20's.
Using the pacifier for so long caused my jaw to grow around the shape of the pacifier. I now have an upper jaw that is over grown and grows downward in the back and my lower jaw is under developed and I have a very deficient chin. All the orthodontists in my past would immediately send me to an Oral Surgeon who would scare the crap out of me telling me about multiple surgeries that required cutting my jaw in numerous places, inserting implants, and all sorts of torture devices. Well that always put an end to the idea of braces...at least until I was so sick and embarrassed by my appearance I'd go ask again. Well I never did get around to it out of fear; that is until now.
I took my eldest 2 daughter into an orthodontist almost 4 years ago for braces at which time he begged me for a chance to try and correct my bite. I agreed and 4 years later I'm still in braces and with much improvement in the appearance of my teeth, but at the end of the road for treating me with orthodontics for my jaw. So once again I found my self at an oral surgeons office and this time with the support and encouragement of my husband, kids and mother (who lives with us) I have agreed to go through with it. My surgery has been scheduled for this coming Monday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)